Over the last 8 months of blog posts, I’ve occasionally referenced a lot of YUCK going on in my life. I didn’t want to talk about it because I wanted it to be separate from weight loss; unconnected because the YUCK was dragging me down even though the weight loss was lifting me up. Lately, I’ve been silent on my blog because I had to get the YUCK out. I’ve been embarrassed by the things I was going through — much like I used to be embarrassed about my weight.
Now, I’ve finally lifted the proverbial weights off my shoulders. Did it reflect on the scale? No. That weight is imaginary, but it is as heavy as the actual weight I’ve been carrying around for 16 years. These last eight months I’ve been concerned about what people will think about me. I’ve been hiding the failures in my personal life behind the success of my weight loss and wondering how to move forward without telling the other stories. It’s time to let that all go (not the weight loss, of course). Life isn’t easy or simple. No one is perfect. And, most importantly, no one is judging me — except me. I think this has been one of the hardest things for me to come to understand and accept. Now I have to learn to let it go. If someone is judging me based on my appearance or decisions I’ve made, then I don’t need them in my life. If they can’t get to know me and accept me for who I am, faults and all, then it’s not worth the time and effort for either of us.
Today, at 94.5 pounds less than my starting weight (78 pounds of it in the last 12 months) I stand up straighter and more confident than ever before. On Saturday, I celebrated my 90+ pound weight loss by adding another bead to my journey necklace. What did I add? Faith. To remind me to continue to have faith in myself.
People have asked what bead I thought I would add this time. I always decide in the moment. I went in thinking balance would be good — and it is, but not for this 10 pounds. As I “studied” the Pandora beads at Seebeck gallery, I reflected on the last 10 pounds, and the 80 before that. I have somehow managed to keep losing weight even with the YUCK of the last 8 months. When I felt my world crumbling around me, I still believed in what I was doing to make me a better, stronger and healthier version of myself.
My faith in myself (and my commitment to lose 150 pounds) never wavered. How did I manage that? I don’t know. I just know that I did it. Baby steps and one meal at a time. With each pound shed, my confidence grew. Each pound lost has helped build the faith that I celebrate today.
I can’t think of any better words to identify my journey, my emotional growth and my ever decreasing weight than the ones I wear every day: strength, confidence, patience, dedication and faith.
I wonder what the next 10 pounds will bring…
August 29, 2017 at 8:08 pm
Good for you for keeping moving forward. You can do this. Love your bead. And the idea. I have a Pandora “running” bracelet and I get a new charm to represent each “special” race.
August 29, 2017 at 8:12 pm
Thanks for your kind words, Janet! The physical representations of accomplishments serve as a great source of pride and motivation, right? Love your bracelet idea!
November 28, 2017 at 9:02 am
Faith in ourselves is a total necessity to achieve anything in life. Anything.
Carol Cassara recently posted…Strength + courage
November 28, 2017 at 7:02 pm
Very true. I never wavered on my faith in myself on anything other than losing weight. I don’t know why that is but am confident I’m not the only one with this experience!
November 28, 2017 at 12:38 pm
I have often found in our common human journey that we distract ourselves from the realities of what really brings us down and channel them into more tangible solutions. If I could only get out of this town, if I could only lose a bit more weight, if I could only have this possession or that. Then when we reach our goals there is a clarity for some that they realize their true suffering was not so tangible but internal that instead acceptance of our journey, acceptance of ourselves is the core of the problem. For the rest they just wander on to the next city, the next weight loss goal, the next physical aspect of themselves, never content or fulfilled.
Beautiful post, so glad you said it, and I’m even more glad you discovered your true hunger, the hunger for faith!
Jess recently posted…Please Do Not Feed The Locals
November 28, 2017 at 7:05 pm
It’s so eye opening to suddenly realize you can do something you never thought possible. And, you’re so right about needing to accept ourselves as we are before we can change anything. It’s a kind of inner peace that, when found, settles everything into place.
November 29, 2017 at 2:53 pm
Fantastic, Robin. You did this even while going through tough emotional times. Congratulations!
November 29, 2017 at 6:21 pm
Thank you, Molly! Not only did I do it, but I’m still doing it, and that is just enough to keep me going!
November 30, 2017 at 1:49 pm
Yuck is always connected to success, though – yuck pulls you down and muddies the waters and makes you crave the bad place. I know from personal experience that yuck can undo so much. Faith in yourself is essential because it takes just as much thought to believe you can succeed as it does to believe you can fail.
It’s so awesome that you’ve lost this weight – keep pushing and you’ll annihilate your goals!
Tony recently posted…Why We Fail
November 30, 2017 at 9:20 pm
I knew you’d connect with this post, Tony! Every fraction of a pound lost helps build the faith that keeps me going! I will carry on moving forward — and watching the numbers go down on the scale!
December 5, 2017 at 7:57 pm
Wishing you all the best as you move forward with new goals!
Stacey W recently posted…Comfort and Joy
July 6, 2018 at 7:17 pm
How did I never see this comment, Stacey?? Thank you so much!