I will spare you the details of how long I’ve been trying to lose weight, or what started the problem in the first place. We all have our own stories. How I ended up in this condition with diabetes and sleep apnea is not what matters. What matters is that I am here and I am ready to make a change. This is an emotional journey for me and one I don’t expect to be short. When I decided I’d had enough of this, I decided I’m not setting small goals. I’m putting a stake in the ground. I’m going the distance. I’m going to change my life. I need to be healthier for me, my future, and of course, my children. I need to set a good example.
So, not being a fan of New Year’s Resolutions, I start things when I make a decision. I don’t wait for a reason. The reason is … it’s time. The reason is because I said so. So, I signed up for Weight Watchers online on Nov. 30.
The next morning, I woke up scared about my commitment to myself. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I needed someone to talk to? Who was going to hold me up when I was falling down?
There is no one better suited for this job than a Mom … MY Mom! But, scared as I was, I wrote her an email instead of calling her. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to say the things I needed to say. So, on December 1st, I sent my mom this note:
I am going to lose 150 pounds. I don’t know how long it will take — likely until I’m 50 if I only lose a pound a week (I did the math). I rejoined Weight Watchers online last night. Every fiber of my being says I shouldn’t share this with you because it’s been a constant struggle every time I’ve tried to lose weight. I don’t want anything to interfere with our relationship, but I know you’re the best person for me to turn to.
I need to know you’re in my corner. I need this to be just about me. Not what worked or didn’t work for you. I’m so proud of you, but what works for you won’t necessarily work for me. I’m so unhappy with the way I look and feel. I can’t take it any more. I think I look older than I am, and I certainly feel that way.
Maybe it’s better that we have conversations about this via email. I’m not really sure how to handle it, but I know that I need you.
I don’t want you to consult me about what I want to eat when we’re coming over. I know that 90% of the things you make are healthy. Just text me the points if you know them. Or send me the recipe so I can figure it out.
I don’t know how this will work. Me asking for your support, but not really wanting to discuss it with you. Maybe email is the best way because it can be more controlled and less emotional …. although I’m trying desperately not to cry while I write this!
I am scared of failure. I am scared of what will happen if I don’t do this. Please don’t judge me for getting to the size I am. My life has not been easy and eating is my comfort. I’ve been trying since September to lose 5 pounds. I get as close as .8 lbs, but then it goes back up. Last night was the first night in recent history that when I woke up in the night (it was brief) I didn’t go looking for something to munch on. That is a bad habit that hasn’t reared its ugly head in a very long time, but has made an appearance in the last couple months.
All I’m saying is that I need you to be my person for this. I’m about to turn 47 and it sucks.
I Love You.
And, in keeping with my nature of not starting things that could remotely be related to a New Year’s resolution, I’m launching my blog about my journey to lose 150 pounds, today, December 30. 1 month after I started my weight loss journey, and less than 36 hours from the new year. I invite you to follow along. I hope you’ll stick with me and be my virtual cheerleaders. I will certainly be yours!
And, BTW, in the first month, I’ve lost 14.2 pounds!
How do you feel about your weight and what are you doing about it?
December 30, 2015 at 8:12 pm
Go Robin! You can do it! Sounds like you are off to an excellent start! You have given me the motivation to get back on track as well! Looking forwRd to following your blog!😊
December 30, 2015 at 11:32 pm
Thanks Laurie! I appreciate your support!
December 30, 2015 at 10:23 pm
So proud of you. I believe in you.
December 30, 2015 at 11:31 pm
Thanks Stacey! That means the world to me.
December 30, 2015 at 11:17 pm
I’m very happy for you Robin. It’s hard to do, but you’ve done the hardest part, you made up your mind and you made a great start. Just don’t be too hard on yourself, you’ll do this. I can’t wait to hear about your journey.
December 30, 2015 at 11:31 pm
Thanks so much Deb! I truly appreciate your support!
December 30, 2015 at 11:38 pm
Very brave! Keep up the good work.
December 30, 2015 at 11:41 pm
December 31, 2015 at 12:40 am
So proud of you – I KNOW you can do it!
December 31, 2015 at 12:48 am
Thanks Robin!! 🙂
December 31, 2015 at 1:15 am
Robin I’m right there with you. Proud of you for being so honest and vulnerable. I want to lose 25 pounds and it terrifies me. I’m signing up with WW too. Thanks for giving me courage. Best to you and the family. Big hugs.
December 31, 2015 at 1:32 am
Lori, what ever you need to lose is daunting. It’s a challenge for us all. That’s part of what I want to achieve with my blog…. Bring people together to talk about their own challenges and for us to support one another.
December 31, 2015 at 1:26 am
YES! You can! Develop a mantra…like “Im worth it and so is my family,,. or some such phraseology. YOU can do this Robin~I have faith in you! .
December 31, 2015 at 1:33 am
Thanks so much Jeri! I CAN do it! This is MY time.
December 31, 2015 at 3:44 am
Robin, we BOTH know what it’s like don’t we? I hear “go-the-distance” determination from you. You’ll make it, kiddo. Don’t look back. What happens next matters most.
December 31, 2015 at 4:17 am
Thanks Ann. Yes we do know about the journey. I have a different kind of determination than I’ve ever had before.
December 31, 2015 at 1:28 pm
I’m inspired and ready to join you. Brave. You will do this. Kelly
December 31, 2015 at 1:54 pm
Thanks Kelly for your support. It means a lot to me. And, YES I WILL do this!
January 1, 2016 at 11:34 am
Everyone is calling you Robin, so, hello, Robin! Congrats on the great work and for asking for what you need within your boundaries. That’s tough work. I’m in the same boat and just started documenting it in a post last night. We are close in age, but likely lead completely different lives! Good luck to you!
And Happy, healthy New Year!
January 1, 2016 at 4:36 pm
Hi Robin. Thanks for finding your way to my blog I want to wish you every success on your journey, which matches my own pretty closely. Here’s to some mutual support and inspiration. Julie. 😊
January 1, 2016 at 4:40 pm
Hi Julie, I thought we seemed very similar in our journeys as well. Wishing you success and a Happy and Healthy New Year! I’m all about mutual support and inspiration. It’s part of the reason I started my blog!
January 1, 2016 at 4:41 pm
Really happy to be sharing this journey with you Robin 😊
January 1, 2016 at 4:42 pm
You too Julie!
January 1, 2016 at 8:33 pm
You are a person with determination. You will be able to tackle this project just like you do so many others with success.
January 1, 2016 at 8:40 pm
Thanks for your kind words, Anne! It means so much!
January 4, 2016 at 1:50 am
Wow! 14.2 pounds is amazing!!! You got this. And it will likely come off before you are 50! But even still, it’s the rest of your life, so every pound off makes you that much healthier!
January 4, 2016 at 3:41 pm
Congrats, this is awesome! I’m already eye-balling some new outfits for you!!
January 4, 2016 at 4:48 pm
Thanks Jeannine! I’m going to need all the help I can get!
January 8, 2016 at 6:24 pm
I love your letter to your mom. So bold and brave of you to share with us. I will be looking forward to your journey as well. I won’t say “you can do this.” Instead I will say “you ARE doing this”!
January 8, 2016 at 6:25 pm
Yes I am, Bobby!