It’s gone. I can’t find it. My strength to stand up to this weight loss challenge. Missing. It’s like when you put something away in a very safe place and then can’t remember where you put it! That’s what’s happened. I think about it. I admire it from a distance. I just can’t find it.
I have lots of strength. Well, I can’t bench press 200 pounds, but I can lift a pretty heavy duffle bag or suitcase if necessary. I have strong opinions! I have strong moral character. What I don’t have, is the strength to stop eating when I wake up in the night. I don’t have the strength to track my food all day every day. I don’t have the strength to plan meals for the week (or even prep them on Sundays). Why is this? Truth? I have no clue.
Here’s what I do know. I had it. I lost it about the time the insomnia started. Sleep is improving, so I should be able to find it, but no luck, yet. My parents have always said that I can do anything I put my mind to. I just need to decide to do it. I remember this from when I was very little. And, they’re right. Except for this one thing. Losing weight. I’ve never believed I could be successful at it. I’ve had minor successes over the years, but not until Nov. 30, 2015 did I truly believe I could change that track record, and that’s when I found the strength to launch and execute the plan. And now, I’m back where I started, at least in my head. I haven’t gained my weight back, but I haven’t lost any either.
So, the next best thing is to figure out what’s changed, right? It’s like retracing your steps when you misplace something. The biggest change (besides the sleep issue which I’m tired of discussing) is that I’m trying to take a more holistic approach to life and health. A few months ago I wrote about finding inspiration for clean eating. I’ve got all the ideas right there for me. Why can’t I make them? I’m working with my doctor to stop taking a couple medications that I believe were contributing to my insomnia. This is VERY hard. It takes time and patience. I’m in the middle of it now. This could be taking the strength that I need for my weight loss journey. But, I’d like to believe I have the strength to do more than one thing at a time. I’m embracing essential oils. Yes, I know it sounds hokey. But, I’m fairly convinced that I’ve got a solution to my anxiety symptoms — which makes me very pleased. Aside from all that, another school year has drawn to a close. Another camp season is about to begin. Everything is happening so very quickly. My children are growing up so fast. Could these be the things that are stealing my strength?
To try and find it again, I look to my dad for inspiration. My dad is the best. He is wise, quiet, calm, steady, solid and strong. He is by far one of the best examples of a human being that I’ve ever met. Yes, of course, I’m biased. But honestly, I’ve never met anyone so fair. He has such a clear perception of right and wrong. And, he’s one of the best problem solvers I know. Now, I am NOT disregarding my mom in this post. I’ve written a lot about my mom in the past and she is awesome. I’m very fortunate. Since it’s Father’s Day, I’m taking a moment to focus on my daddy.
Like others, I’ve had my fair share of disappointments, failures, and sadness in my life. I’m better for them all because of my dad. He has always been the rock I can lean on. He understands when I don’t want to deal with the emotions, I just want an answer, some guidance, or a shoulder to cry on before moving forward with the next necessary step. He’s usually a step or two ahead of me. He can anticipate my next question, worry, need. His strength of commitment is at the very core of his person. He’s committed to doing for others. He’s not selfish. His strength shows through in so many ways. Even when something is difficult, sad, scary or disappointing, Dad has the strength to focus on the facts and knows what to do to get the job done.
If I want to vent, cry and complain and ruminate on the how, why and how come of the situation, Mom is all ears and will talk to me all night if I want to. That brings me so much comfort. If I want to JUST GET IT DONE and need help? Dad’s my guy.
So how does all this relate to my search for strength to get back on track with my weight loss journey? I need to take a chapter from Dad’s book. Put the emotion aside for now (we can deal with it later). Look at the job that needs to get done and figure out what to do first. How’s that going to look, you might be wondering? I am too. But it seems just a little bit more clear when I think of it like my Dad would.
Here’s the plan:
1. Plan food for the week
2. Go to the grocery store and get said food/ingredients
3. Eat food according to plan
Not hard, right? It doesn’t seem like it now. But anyone who’s lost any weight will agree that it’s easier said than done. I’ve got a child to deliver to overnight camp tomorrow. When I get home, I’m kicking off Operation Dad! I’ve got three weeks before the next child goes to camp. That gives me plenty of time to get my strength back. I’ve got this.
Thanks Dad. I love you.