It’s gone. I can’t find it. My strength to stand up to this weight loss challenge. Missing. It’s like when you put something away in a very safe place and then can’t remember where you put it! That’s what’s happened. I think about it. I admire it from a distance. I just can’t find it.
I have lots of strength. Well, I can’t bench press 200 pounds, but I can lift a pretty heavy duffle bag or suitcase if necessary. I have strong opinions! I have strong moral character. What I don’t have, is the strength to stop eating when I wake up in the night. I don’t have the strength to track my food all day every day. I don’t have the strength to plan meals for the week (or even prep them on Sundays). Why is this? Truth? I have no clue.
Here’s what I do know. I had it. I lost it about the time the insomnia started. Sleep is improving, so I should be able to find it, but no luck, yet. My parents have always said that I can do anything I put my mind to. I just need to decide to do it. I remember this from when I was very little. And, they’re right. Except for this one thing. Losing weight. I’ve never believed I could be successful at it. I’ve had minor successes over the years, but not until Nov. 30, 2015 did I truly believe I could change that track record, and that’s when I found the strength to launch and execute the plan. And now, I’m back where I started, at least in my head. I haven’t gained my weight back, but I haven’t lost any either.
So, the next best thing is to figure out what’s changed, right? It’s like retracing your steps when you misplace something. The biggest change (besides the sleep issue which I’m tired of discussing) is that I’m trying to take a more holistic approach to life and health. A few months ago I wrote about finding inspiration for clean eating. I’ve got all the ideas right there for me. Why can’t I make them? I’m working with my doctor to stop taking a couple medications that I believe were contributing to my insomnia. This is VERY hard. It takes time and patience. I’m in the middle of it now. This could be taking the strength that I need for my weight loss journey. But, I’d like to believe I have the strength to do more than one thing at a time. I’m embracing essential oils. Yes, I know it sounds hokey. But, I’m fairly convinced that I’ve got a solution to my anxiety symptoms — which makes me very pleased. Aside from all that, another school year has drawn to a close. Another camp season is about to begin. Everything is happening so very quickly. My children are growing up so fast. Could these be the things that are stealing my strength?
To try and find it again, I look to my dad for inspiration. My dad is the best. He is wise, quiet, calm, steady, solid and strong. He is by far one of the best examples of a human being that I’ve ever met. Yes, of course, I’m biased. But honestly, I’ve never met anyone so fair. He has such a clear perception of right and wrong. And, he’s one of the best problem solvers I know. Now, I am NOT disregarding my mom in this post. I’ve written a lot about my mom in the past and she is awesome. I’m very fortunate. Since it’s Father’s Day, I’m taking a moment to focus on my daddy.
Like others, I’ve had my fair share of disappointments, failures, and sadness in my life. I’m better for them all because of my dad. He has always been the rock I can lean on. He understands when I don’t want to deal with the emotions, I just want an answer, some guidance, or a shoulder to cry on before moving forward with the next necessary step. He’s usually a step or two ahead of me. He can anticipate my next question, worry, need. His strength of commitment is at the very core of his person. He’s committed to doing for others. He’s not selfish. His strength shows through in so many ways. Even when something is difficult, sad, scary or disappointing, Dad has the strength to focus on the facts and knows what to do to get the job done.
If I want to vent, cry and complain and ruminate on the how, why and how come of the situation, Mom is all ears and will talk to me all night if I want to. That brings me so much comfort. If I want to JUST GET IT DONE and need help? Dad’s my guy.
So how does all this relate to my search for strength to get back on track with my weight loss journey? I need to take a chapter from Dad’s book. Put the emotion aside for now (we can deal with it later). Look at the job that needs to get done and figure out what to do first. How’s that going to look, you might be wondering? I am too. But it seems just a little bit more clear when I think of it like my Dad would.
Here’s the plan:
1. Plan food for the week
2. Go to the grocery store and get said food/ingredients
3. Eat food according to plan
Not hard, right? It doesn’t seem like it now. But anyone who’s lost any weight will agree that it’s easier said than done. I’ve got a child to deliver to overnight camp tomorrow. When I get home, I’m kicking off Operation Dad! I’ve got three weeks before the next child goes to camp. That gives me plenty of time to get my strength back. I’ve got this.
Thanks Dad. I love you.
June 19, 2016 at 11:26 pm
Robin, you’ll get there. It’s not quite the timeline you thought it would be, but you’ll get there. I’ve seen your resilience since you were a girl; it didn’t go anywhere. You still have it, and it’ll help you now too. YOU’LL PULL THIS OFF. By the way, you’ll be a few hundred yards from our house when you drive to OSRUI tomorrow. 🙂
June 19, 2016 at 11:44 pm
Thanks so much Ann! I didn’t know you lived so close to OSRUI! I’m having a quick lunch with a college friend and then wandering in downtown Oconomowoc before heading home! Are you around tomorrow afternoon? I’d love to meet for coffee before I start the trek home! It’s two hours of driving for a 5 minute drop off!! Thanks again for your words of encouragement!! I’m getting close, I can feel it!
June 20, 2016 at 10:07 am
Stick with it, Robin, and don’t be too hard on yourself. These are major, major life-changes, and they don’t happen overnight. In fact, if I look back over my weight-loss journey to-date (I’m 10 months so far, many more to go), I realise one of the fundamental differences this time around, compared to previous (failed) attempts, was that I let myself off-the-hook in trying to do everything at once. Nail one habit, then move on to the next, and soon you’ll have made big changes across the board, but just one step at a time. And adding in those sereneties, like essential oils, is a good thing too – focusing on pleasure from alternative sources, not food. Keep at it… it really IS worth the struggle.
Julie recently posted…A Bumpy Ride #weightloss
June 20, 2016 at 10:27 am
Julie, I love how you phrased it – nail one habit at a time! I just didn’t anticipate having to refocus in the middle! But, that’s life, right? Better to fix these along the way for a complete lifestyle adjustment for the end goal! Thanks for your continued support, insight and words of wisdom.
April 7, 2017 at 8:26 am
Parents are such great inspiration and their unconditional love is priceless! Also, children! Mine are adults now, but some of the things I’ve tried hardest to do were because of them! I wanted to show them determination, hard work, success! What they taught me was have fun while I’m going after the goals! Yay for You, Robin!
Sharon Duerst recently posted…Lured by Craftiness
April 7, 2017 at 9:10 am
You are so right Sharon. Thank you for your kind words. I means everything to me. My girls still have a lot of growing up to do and I wanted to be sure I’m around to enjoy it with them. They are so proud of me and what I’ve accomplished. They are my motivation! I cried the day they hugged me and cheered because they could reach their own arms around my back. My parents, well, I think you can tell how I feel about them. I am so very fortunate to have them as my greatest support network and their unconditional love is truly priceless.
April 7, 2017 at 10:36 am
This is so powerful Robin!
And perspective can be the key.
Because if it were easy, would it be as satisfying?
You got this—it’s that day by day thing. Or as my husband likes to say—the way to eat an elephant is a bite at a time. But that’d be counterproductive for you–ha ha!
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April 7, 2017 at 12:40 pm
Thanks so much Jodie! I LOVE your husband’s expression — who knows, maybe elephant is high in protein as long as you don’t eat the whole thing. Portion control at it’s best!
April 7, 2017 at 2:50 pm
I love this, very insightful, perceptive and honest. I misplace my strength and resolve, too, and I’m going to think of your dad’s approach the next time and get it done!
Lee Gaitan recently posted…Mirror, Mirror, Who’s the Oldest of Them All?
April 7, 2017 at 3:20 pm
Lee, I promise you it works. Check your emotions at the door and and deal with the facts at hand. Or, call my mom and cry your eyes out. Either way — you’ll feel better in the end!
April 7, 2017 at 6:19 pm
Sounds like you have lovely parents, Robin, both inside and out as evidenced by how good looking they are in the photo. What a great support your Dad is to you lending you his shoulder and strength. Nice tribute to a special guy.
Molly Stevens recently posted…A deeper appreciation for the full Easter package
April 7, 2017 at 11:20 pm
Molly, I am so fortunate! My parents are amazing. I can only hope that one day my daughters will look up to me the same way I look up to my parents.
April 8, 2017 at 11:41 am
Your dad sounds amazing. Everyone loses motivation sometimes, it’s the way of the world.
Silly Mummy recently posted…They Have Returned: Protect Yourselves
April 8, 2017 at 11:49 am
He is amazing! My mom too! You’re right, every one loses motivation at some point and it’s so wonderful to know who’s got your back. They know just the right thing to say to help you find your way back!