I will spare you the details of how long I’ve been trying to lose weight, or what started the problem in the first place. We all have our own stories. How I ended up in this condition with diabetes and sleep apnea is not what matters. What matters is that I am here and I am ready to make a change. This is an emotional journey for me and one I don’t expect to be short. When I decided I’d had enough of this, I decided I’m not setting small goals. I’m putting a stake in the ground. I’m going the distance. I’m going to change my life. I need to be healthier for me, my future, and of course, my children. I need to set a good example.
So, not being a fan of New Year’s Resolutions, I start things when I make a decision. I don’t wait for a reason. The reason is … it’s time. The reason is because I said so. So, I signed up for Weight Watchers online on Nov. 30.
The next morning, I woke up scared about my commitment to myself. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I needed someone to talk to? Who was going to hold me up when I was falling down?
There is no one better suited for this job than a Mom … MY Mom! But, scared as I was, I wrote her an email instead of calling her. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to say the things I needed to say. So, on December 1st, I sent my mom this note:
I am going to lose 150 pounds. I don’t know how long it will take — likely until I’m 50 if I only lose a pound a week (I did the math). I rejoined Weight Watchers online last night. Every fiber of my being says I shouldn’t share this with you because it’s been a constant struggle every time I’ve tried to lose weight. I don’t want anything to interfere with our relationship, but I know you’re the best person for me to turn to.
I need to know you’re in my corner. I need this to be just about me. Not what worked or didn’t work for you. I’m so proud of you, but what works for you won’t necessarily work for me. I’m so unhappy with the way I look and feel. I can’t take it any more. I think I look older than I am, and I certainly feel that way.
Maybe it’s better that we have conversations about this via email. I’m not really sure how to handle it, but I know that I need you.
I don’t want you to consult me about what I want to eat when we’re coming over. I know that 90% of the things you make are healthy. Just text me the points if you know them. Or send me the recipe so I can figure it out.
I don’t know how this will work. Me asking for your support, but not really wanting to discuss it with you. Maybe email is the best way because it can be more controlled and less emotional …. although I’m trying desperately not to cry while I write this!
I am scared of failure. I am scared of what will happen if I don’t do this. Please don’t judge me for getting to the size I am. My life has not been easy and eating is my comfort. I’ve been trying since September to lose 5 pounds. I get as close as .8 lbs, but then it goes back up. Last night was the first night in recent history that when I woke up in the night (it was brief) I didn’t go looking for something to munch on. That is a bad habit that hasn’t reared its ugly head in a very long time, but has made an appearance in the last couple months.
All I’m saying is that I need you to be my person for this. I’m about to turn 47 and it sucks.
I Love You.
And, in keeping with my nature of not starting things that could remotely be related to a New Year’s resolution, I’m launching my blog about my journey to lose 150 pounds, today, December 30. 1 month after I started my weight loss journey, and less than 36 hours from the new year. I invite you to follow along. I hope you’ll stick with me and be my virtual cheerleaders. I will certainly be yours!
And, BTW, in the first month, I’ve lost 14.2 pounds!
How do you feel about your weight and what are you doing about it?